The thought of moving anywhere, leaving what is comfortable and easy, usually creates a horrifying thought and a sense of uneasiness. Whatever the reasons to move to another country, that uneasy feeling is here to stay until you dive headfirst into the unknown. And even when you take the plunge to move to Pakistan, there will be a lot of scary stories, perceptions and stereotypes to overcome. Having reconciled many of your (and your loved ones) questions, you are finally making the move! Congratulations!
As someone who’s played musical chairs with homes, eight times in the first decade of marriage and then country-hopped thrice in eight years thereafter, I’ve had to make peace with change. Oh, how I loathed it, passionately! But over time, I’ve become a minimalist ninja. Once, I landed in a “temporary” spot for six months, which magically stretched to two years. A room full of untouched boxes later, I realized I didn’t need half the stuff I’d hoarded. There’s something liberating about tossing out the clutter—you lose less, and poof, there goes some anxiety too!
But moving countries? That’s a whole new ball game. Suddenly, your pile of “stuff” becomes your cosy safety blanket in a strange new world. No matter how well-versed you are in local customs, language, or religion, you’ll find yourself yearning for the familiar comforts of home. Trust me, I’ve been there, wrapped in nostalgia, and clinging to my stuff like a life raft!
A Few Pointers to Help you Along the Way :
🇵🇰 You reside in the East now 🇵🇰
What you are accustomed to in the West will differ here. The finer aspects of life that you cherish back home can indeed be found in Pakistan; you just need to seek them out. Having household help is considered a luxury that is quite common. However, it does come with its own challenges – questions about trustworthiness, the potential for theft, and concerns regarding work ethic.
The attitudes and practices of native Pakistanis may differ significantly. As long as you acknowledge this, you’ll be able to navigate your new environment more easily. This is a new people skill that you will cultivate and adapt to, just as you would anywhere else. Mentalities, opinions, and attitudes vary — it’s all about getting accustomed to and accepting these differences. It’s not a matter of right or wrong. There are many aspects here that I find perplexing, but I recognize that my perspective is shaped by my Western upbringing and education. This educational background creates a notable difference; I see a similar distinction emerging in the UK, where ignorance has led to contempt. However, a lack of education here often stems from a survival instinct, while in the West, it can manifest as greed and entitlement.
Humanity & Morals 🤜🏽 🤛🏽
It seems that this side of the world is evolving as well, influenced by social media and the desire for what others possess. Nonetheless, most people maintain moral boundaries, shaped by a strong social structure (expectations, concern for public opinion, etc.) and a sense of accountability to Allah (swt), no matter how misplaced that may be. Here, I’ve witnessed compassion and humanity; the level of kindness and generosity is unparalleled. The depravity seen in the West is rarely observed here—while it does exist, it is far less prevalent.
Observations on Community: In general, children are cherished, and women are treated with respect through positive discrimination. This has been my experience; I have encountered nothing but respect and a willingness to assist. During my first year here, I had eight flat tyres. After the second one, I felt no worry, as someone always stopped to check on me and the children, changing the tyre without hesitation. In the UK, no one would offer that kind of help. Here, men display chivalry.
Did you know that many working individuals hitchhike? The crime rate related to this is very very low. When I asked my cook about hitchhiking, she explained that not everyone can afford a car or motorcycle, so when a driver stops, it’s simply to help another human being. They are often heading in the same direction. In contrast, hitchhiking is banned in the UK and many other Western countries, due to safety concerns—one would face serious harm.
People have a bad habit of staring, but I try not to dwell on it. I’ve been told that my mannerisms and demeanour are not typical of Pakistan, hence they look with intrigue! It doesn’t necessarily mean they are perving on you.
The People’s Impact: For me, the most surprising aspect has been the people. I have not encountered such qualities anywhere else in the world. Their compassion, humanity, social spirit, and care for their neighbours are unmatched. I remember riding in a taxi without air conditioning; the open windows providing the necessary relief. Midway through the journey, the driver stopped by the roadside next to a man offering rose syrup water. He accepted one, drank it, and continued driving. I inquired why he hadn’t paid for it, and he explained that restaurant workers stand by the roadside to quench the thirst of drivers working in the heat. If that act doesn’t embody community spirit (as well as a honourable marketing tool), then what does?
When I am frequently asked how my time in Pakistan is going, I say, “Yes, fine. No problems. In fact, people have been nothing but kind and helpful.” Their reactions often take me by surprise, but they tend to follow a similar pattern: “That’s because you radiate positivity, and it attracts something similar,” or words to that effect. I suppose there’s truth to that. I don’t make assumptions or judgments; I treat each interaction and conversation as unique. That said, I have encountered individuals with sour expressions, or those who are short and sharp. However, that reflects their behaviour, not mine. I don’t feel the need to react negatively. Rather, I recognize that we cannot know what challenges others may be facing, and particularly in this part of the world, many issues are deeply rooted.
As a dentist, I often advised parents bringing their children to see me to leave their anxiety at the door or at least pretend to be calm. In cases where a parent struggled to manage their emotions and words, I would even ask them to step outside during the treatment. The outcome for the children was significantly better. Research shows that children are highly attuned to their parents’ energy and emotions. If you are consistently anxious and stressed about a new setting, how can you expect your children to feel comfortable? The very individuals who should provide a sense of safety and security are inadvertently conveying fear and danger.
It’s completely natural to experience some unease and this should be acknowledged; by you and your children. However, offering reassurance and maintaining a positive attitude can make a substantial difference—for both you and your child. No one is asking you to be dishonest, but controlling your words and actions for the benefit of your family is essential. This approach will help regulate their emotions and simplify your interactions with them
⚖️ Law & Order 👮🏽
What people must recognize is that every nation has its share of both good and bad. In Western countries, a fair level of law and order exists, likely due to its enforcement. However, in many developing nations, the law that does exist often goes unenforced. I won’t delve into the negative aspects, as it won’t be helpful. We have ALL been made aware of it by our endearing family’s 😜 ! You understand the risks in the world, and this place is no exception. While crime may take different forms, crime is still crime. Nevertheless, despite the lack of legal enforcement, you’d think that the society would be far more chaotic. However, if it wasn’t for the strong social system—like community expectations and accountability to Allah (SWT) that I’ve mentioned earlier, I’m sure it would be.
Just imagine if laws weren’t enforced where you previously lived. Think about it: would those people restrain themselves if they felt no accountability to a creator and faced no social repercussions for their actions?
This discrepancy is something we must remain aware of. The law may not always be enforced, but it remains the law of the land. As stated in the verse above, if you believe in the Quran and Sunnah, you will ultimately be accountable for breaking these laws. Whether it’s refusing to wear a seatbelt (yes, the fine is Rs300), not paying agreed dues to home help, employing children (the legal age is 14), or engaging in dubious business practices, as Muslims, you will be held accountable.
If others choose to deceive you or act unethically, that is their issue. It serves as a test you must navigate—your responsibility is to pass it. Stay alert, perform your due diligence, and leave the rest to Allah (SWT).
👭Finding friends🧑🤝🧑
In a vast tapestry of society, you’re bound to discover your tribe. Trust me, you will. While some individuals may embody the negative stereotypes that discourage us from embracing our Pakistani identity, there are countless aspects and people that instil pride.
Educated and skilled Pakistanis possess a remarkable mindset, showcasing analytical abilities and a strong work ethic. They are both conscientious and creative; they simply need the chance to shine.
You’ll come to notice that Pakistani’s aspire to do better – they just don’t know how to go about it.
Parting wisdom nuggets :
- Ditch the expectations.
- Toss those stereotypes out the window.
- Take each day as it comes.
- Embrace the new, and keep that sunny outlook🌞
- Be open-minded. Remember, your new home is a contrast to what you are used to – both the people and the culture.
- Be mindful of the differences. It’s not a matter of wrong or right.
- Be prepared to plough through the challenges. And you will!
- Prep’ your kids in the same way – make it an adventure that you are all embarking on.
- Expect ups and downs, but you will have each other.
- Stop trying to be a control freak! The perceived control we have in our lives – amounts to tying our camel – taking all necessary precautions. As Muslims, we rely on Allah (SWT) for the final outcome (Tawakkul).
So, that’s’my 2p worth in a nutshell. Many may disagree with my perspective, but these are my experiences and reflections on living in Pakistan. Looking forward to hearing yours!
Hung up in my hallway, as a reminder to all.
